Execution Record - April 23, 1657

Fatin Korai - theft 

Zarqa Chutani - adultery

Raziq Ghazini - murder

Fakhrudd Dehwar - murder

Sadiqa Malik - assuming the position of empress under false pretenses

Ghaliya Wadeyla - theft

Sabori Tauqi - murder

Fareeq Jalali - desertion

April 22, 1657

Your excellency, my dearest,

By the time you read this I will be over the mountains and far away. I'm sorry to leave like this, but I must. I will most likely be put to death if I stay. 

I can't believe I'm actually doing this. Maybe it's the guilt of taking that innocent little girl’s life. Maybe the weeks of reading my brother’s endless letters are finally taking their toll on me. Whatever the reason, something has possessed me to be truthful to you. Something is eating me alive from the inside out and if I stay quiet, what kind of life will I be living? Truly. 

I'll just get to the point. I am a bastard. Quite literally. I am an illegitimately born child. My mother had my brother while his father was still with us, but then his father left. My mother and brother were all alone. I don't even know who my father is, but it doesn't matter does it? She was not married to him. They weren't even engaged. I never told anyone--how could I? And even after all this time that I've grown to trust and love you, how could I tell you? You chose me. You could have had any woman in the empire and you chose me. Whatever you saw in me, I knew you would no longer see. And I couldn't live like that. You'd think me dirty, scandalous, unworthy of the throne. Not to mention the legality of it all. I don't need to remind you of the laws that forbid the emperor from marrying an illegitimate child. If I stay here, I will be beheaded for this “crime.” A crime I never committed. A crime that took place before I was even born. 

Of course now that you know, you'll tell your chief adviser. He's the one who's strict about the social codes. Even if you don't tell him, I he’ll find out because my brother was right. More people know than I had previously believed.

 Now, I could stay here and be executed for marrying the emperor under false pretenses, or I could run. My mother ran. My brother ran. They're both dead but running is still in my blood. 

I'm sure my brother thought that you married me for my beauty and I married you for your power and while both of these things are true, you and I both know there is so much more between us. I feel like I'm being ripped apart but I can't die here in shame. My family's legacy has suffered enough. I will start over in a new land. I'd tell you where but your chief advisor will find this letter eventually. My love, I don't have much time. Please, I know you can find it in your heart somewhere to forgive me. I know you. You know me. Please. 

Forever yours,

Sadiqa

April 16, 1657

Your Highness,

I, one of the royal guard, have been sent to deliver this letter specifically to you. It was found in one of the outlying villages, and it was addressed to you:

I’m afraid this may be my last letter to you, my sister. It may even be the last letter I ever write. I know in my previous letter I told you of my dizzy spells. Well, they continued and I went to see a healer about them. She thoroughly examined me and asked me many questions, and after about an hour, she informed me that I had a very rare condition that as yet did not have a name. She kept referring to it as the اندرونی کان disease. 

I told her about my dizzy episodes, and she asked if they were accompanied by nausea, vomiting, or any momentary loss of hearing. How did she know? I responded yes and that sometimes I experienced all of those things at once. She sighed deeply and told me of the rare disease. And worst of all, it's fatal. There's every chance that I will die from this ailment.  

Sadiqa, I will keep making my way towards the palace. I kept writing no matter what it takes and that hasn't changed. I will get to the palace or die trying. 

In case it is my fate to die trying, I leave you with these words, Sadiqa. Keep our mother in your heart. Do what she would have wanted you to do. Tell the emperor the truth. It's going to get out anyway, so you might as well have it come from you. At the very least, tell him so you can give yourself a head start on running. And whatever you do, Sadiqa, do not forget the last stanza of mother’s lullaby:

Forget not what brought you to where you now are

Forget not the girl who leaned too far

Too far o’er the pond in the wood

For the girl whose story I’ve chosen to tell

Now wades through heaven, or drowns in hell

When she leaned o’er the pond, she slipped and she fell

All ‘cause she thought that she could 

I believe in you Sadiqa. At the end of the day you are my sister and I love you. But if I arrive at the palace and you are still wrapped up in your lies, there will be hell to pay. 

This is where it ends, Your Highness. It is not signed, but with all due respect, my sources suspect your brother, Riswan. He was found dead yesterday in one of the closer villages. 

My deepest regrets,

A loyal soldier in your majesty’s armed guard

April 13, 1657

 عزيز صديقة

Why do I continue to write these letters to you? I think about this every time I pick up my quill. I guess I have no one else to turn to. Then again, I’ve been alone for most of my life. It’s not as if I ever could rely on you when we were growing up. And of course once you married the emperor, you were completely out of my reach. What will you do when he finds out the truth about you? Will you run? Will you hide? Will you lie? Because he will find out. They'll all find out. You think I'm the only one who knows? 

This whole time that I've been traveling, I've told everyone I've encountered. Men, women, children, entire villages know the lie that you told the emperor. And for what? For glory? Power? Wealth? Was it all worth it, Sadiqa?

Sadiqa, did you know in the language of the Arabs, your name means “friend?” How fitting that the universe would play such a trick of irony. You have never been my friend, and I might go so far as to say that you have never been a friend to anyone but yourself. Right now, my anger is so intense, it’s dizzying. I’ll have to put down my quill and rest for a while.

Now that I think about it, I have been feeling dizzy at various points throughout the week. I was getting water from the well, and I guess I lost my footing. One moment I was bent over the opening, pulling up the bucket, and the next thing I knew I was clinging to the well wall, my knees against the hard stone, struggling to keep myself from collapsing on the sand. Then yesterday, when I stood up first thing in the morning, I had to sit right back down because I couldn’t see clearly. I’m sure I just stood up too quickly. I also haven’t been drinking enough water so that’s probably part of it too. Whatever is happening, it won’t stop me from reaching the palace. Mark my words.

تمہارے پیارے بھائی

رضوان

April 5, 1657

 عزيز صديقة

I am taking a more roundabout route now for the safety of the villagers. I won't let any other innocent people suffer Quadriyyah’s fate. These are our people Sadiqa. Why are you causing them so much pain?

After the horrific events at the تلہٹی village, I returned to the grove of trees where I had hidden my belongings. Before I even rounded the corner, I heard a rustling in the grove. I froze and listened. The rustling stopped and then picked up again. I silently rounded the corner and saw two small animals rummaging through my pack. “Shoo, shoo!” I yelled as I ran towards them. They turned to face me, and I saw that they were a pair of yellow-throated martens. They scampered off in the other direction, and I bent down to examine the damage they had done. 

I hadn't been carrying that much food with me, but the little I had was gone. My clothes seemed to be in fine condition, but the cover of my Koran was a little torn. You know the one you gave me as a gift a few weeks after your engagement?

I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to look for my Saroz. That's when I saw it. My Saroz, my beloved, beautiful instrument, was lying on the ground in pieces. I fell to my knees and held the remains of my livelihood. Not only was this instrument my purest way to make the music that helps me get through the day, but this was the only way I could support myself. Besides the kindness of strangers, I have no other way to sustain myself enough to get to the city. 

I don't know where I can find the money to buy another one, but even if I could, the memories that lived inside my Saroz can never be replaced. 

And yet, I will still keep making my way towards the city. I will tell them all truth about our family and why, in their eyes, you don't deserve to be the empress. Then everything you have built will all fall away. If I hadn't gone back to the village to save Quadriyyah, I wouldn't have left my things in the grove of trees and this wouldn't have happened. You sent those soldiers. I'm putting this on you, sister. 

تمہارے پیارے بھائی

رضوان

March 30th, 1657

عزيز صديقة

So you don't answer my letters but you send your armed guard after me? Really? Are you this afraid of the world knowing about our mother? Well, I hope you're happy. 

The storm finally subsided, and my foot is now fully healed. Maybe it was the humidity. I was ready to continue on my way. I said goodbye to Aaima, Jabari, and Quadriyyah, and I thanked their parents for their never-ending hospitality. 

A few hours into my journey, I saw three men on horseback over the next hill. I quickly hid myself because I could see their swords, and I decided to play it safe. They rode past me and continued riding towards the direction from which I had come. As soon as I could no longer hear the sound of hooves, I came out from behind the cluster of trees. I started to walk, and then I realized that the three men had come from the direction to which I was heading. I thought about the clothing the men had wore and I realized that it was the uniform of the palace guard. Three guards from the palace seemed to be heading towards the تلہٹی village. Why? 

I dropped my bags in the safe hidden cluster of trees and ran. I ran and ran and ran because those guards were looking for me and they were going to search تلہٹی for me. Knowing the palace guards, they would do whatever it took to find me. 

I heard the screams before I even made it over the hill just north of the village. I reached the top of the hill, and I looked out over the village that was my home for weeks. The hut was on fire. The children’s hut was on fire and Aaima was running to nearby huts and yelling for water and sand while Jabari kept trying to go into the hut, but leaped back crying, “Quadriyyah! Quadriyyah!” as the flames rose higher. As I neared the hut, I could hear the baby’s wails over the sound of crackling.

“Stand back! Help your sister find water or sand or something,” I told Jabari. With my tunic over my nose, I pushed my way through the hut flap and scanned the room, already beginning to cough from the smoke. She was just standing in the middle of the floor on top of a pile of blankets, no longer wailing at the top of her smoke-filled lungs. As I approached her, I saw that her eyes were closed. Without thinking I picked her up and ran back out of the hut, batting at my clothing to put out the little fires. The villagers had begun to throw water and sand on the hut, and the children’s parents had returned from their work. I handed them their dying child. “I got here as fast as I could. I'm so sorry.” I would have stayed, but when I saw the look in the mother’s eyes, I knew I couldn't stay knowing it was all my fault. I backed away, then ran back to the cluster of trees where I had hid my belongings. I had to continue on. 

This must be answered for. I thought I could trust you, but I will no longer disclose my location in my letters to you. 

Just like the little girl in mother’s lullaby, you have leaned too far, sister. And now you will fall. 

تمہارے پیارے بھائی

رضوان

March 21, 1657

عزيز صديقة

I know you have been receiving my letters. There's no reason for them not to have gone through. I am going to assume that you either have nothing to say, or you are not sure where to send a response. The latter seems more likely, and frankly, Sadiqa, I don't care what you have to say. I'm coming for you and there's nothing you can do to stop me. And that's partially because you're not a thunderstorm. 

There's been another setback. 

It started out as just a little rain for a few days. My toe has fallen off, and my foot is still healing, so I wouldn't have been able to travel anyway I guess. After a few days of this rain, the winds started picking up. The first day of rain was not terrible--just unpleasant. The village in the foothills usually has mild, dry weather, so no one expected anything to come of the wind and rain. 

But come it did. 

This storm has been one of the worst that I have experienced in my entire life. Between the wind and the rain and the thunder and the lightning and the hail, it's hardly safe to go outside. It has lasted for about a week now and in the last couple days the rain has finally started to subside. Food has been very difficult to come by. 

Quadriyyah has fallen ill. I know not what of, and it doesn't seem too serious, but it is always worrisome when a small child becomes ill. Aaima and Jabari have been looking after their sister so well. I can see how much they love her and care for her. Their parents have been home more due to the weather, but they mostly keep to themselves and barely interact with me except at meals. 

After my foot heals and the storm subsides, I will continue on my journey, and I will get to you, Sadiqa. I know I will. I must do it for our mother. 

تمہارے پیارے بھائی

رضوان